It turns out that graduate schools have not yet received the gospel of the Common App, that holiest of 21^st century technology that made my undergraduate application process seem like a sacramental experience – at least in comparison to this toenail-ripping tedium that is sucking every creative life force from my fingertips.  In other words, I am sorry for not updating the blog recently, but all of my writing has been devoted to crafting responses to about twenty different essay prompts on divinity school applications.

As such, I thought we could play a little game of catch-up, rapid fire style.  Here are the disjointed and mangled thoughts that have crept into my head over the past week and a half of experiences at my UM church in Birmingham:

1.  What makes a faith community welcoming?  Is it the handshakes, the friendly smiles and the follow-up phone calls?  Or does it take a sort of “intellectual hospitality” to be truly welcoming?  An openness to meeting people where they are at, and not requiring them to subscribe to certain beliefs before welcoming them?  I ask because I sat in on my church’s first class of the Alpha series .  Alpha is a multi-denominational Christian program that seeks to introduce non-Christians to the basics of the faith.  Essential to its success, however, is the golden rule that every question/accusation/concern/belief is valid and discussed in a constructive setting.  I was generally impressed with the intent of the session and surprised that I had not encountered Alpha before.

2.  I saw Taylor Swift live in Concert, and it was life-changing.  I knew her songs were catchy, that she had won a lot of awards, and that washed-up artists do duets with her to spark their fan-base…but I never understood what all of the fuss was about.  Every toss of her hair, sly glance at the audience, and look of feigned shock at our applause – it was all calculated to bring us under her complete control.  And it worked.  I would have done anything for that girl.  I wonder if Jesus came back with a microphone and a flying balcony, if we would all convert.  Then again, maybe that is the thought behind the mega-churches that sacrifice depth and meaning for attention-grabbing shows?

3.  I learned that even dirty rotten middle school barbarians can appreciate some quiet meditation.  I had the opportunity to lead about 50 of the aforementioned savages in a service about prayer and encountering God through various metaphorical items in nature.  Part of a monthly Sunday night event called “Destination Unknown,” the wily brutes spent the evening touring different “prayer stations” we set up in a local park.  At each station, our adult volunteers talked about the symbolism of things like the wind and pine cones, then guided the kids through new prayer experiences.  And you know what?  I think the little swine liked it.

4.  Why do churches break all activities and groups up according to sex (male/female)?  I snuck into a United Methodist Women’s meeting the other night (talk about sticking out like a sore Y chromosome) to see if I could learn the answer.  Honestly, I think churches might do it this way so that the women can actually do some good work without men getting in the way.  I mean, these ladies do some incredible things for the community; they are one of the largest sources of funding for the organizations that are truly enacting a vision of a new earth.  From homeless shelters to homes for battered women and food pantries for low-income rural communities, the UMW are the heartbeat of so much of the love pouring out of this church.  I am still curious about the obsessive need to divide every church activity by sex, but I might be getting a clue.

5.  Did you know Voldemort’s name means “Flees From Death” in French?  No joke.  I learned that in the contemporary service’s sermon two weeks ago.  The pastor used this in the context of talking about our own cultural phobia concerning death.  It was all tied up in those confusing turns of phrase that pop up so often in Christian theology, but I think the point was as follows: We should not be afraid of death, because we should not cling to our life, since we are supposed to lose our life to Christ, thus finding new life, and having no reason to fear death.  That or we are supposed to find the horcruxes and destroy them…I can’t remember.

I have so many things to talk about from the past two weeks but no space to do it in!  Man, I am going to have to write a book or something.

Please respond to any and all of the word-vomit I just covered you in!